What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream.
A penguin's car breaks down and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with messy and gluttonous abandon getting it all over his face. He goes back to the mechanic's to check on his car. The mechanic informs him, "It looks as though you've blown a seal." "Oh, no." replies the penguin "It's just some ice cream."
How are black people and wolves similar? They both fight in packs.
Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face? A: It will kick off your ladder…
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!
Chuck Norris doesn't get shark attacked, the shark gets Chuck Norris attacked.