What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.
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I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
Vote:
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away.
Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor.
Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!