Joke #9986

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream.

How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".

Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!

What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.

The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.

Q: Why are tigers religious? A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”

Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!

What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything you want, he cant hear you.