It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town.
What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?
A large construction company sent a party in charge of finding workers all over the world in the very rural areas.
They sucessfully obtained a dozen men and decided to fly them back to the construction site immidately.
The men were very excited and could only speak of doin the job.
Suddenly the piolot flying the plane encountered some difficulties and very safely landed the plane in the desert.
Unknowingly to the men they thought they reached on the site, so they opened the door and all they could see was sand all around.
Then one of the men shouted out in fear, "Let`s get the f**k out of here before the cement comes."
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Yell at her.
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freemans life
Vote:
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
Toilets are like mothers-in-law:
the farther away the better.
Vote:
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."