What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
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What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
What has four legs but can't walk?
A chair.
I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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When we moved to the US I was 8 years old.
I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance?
When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.