The best kids jokes

Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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has 80.46 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: communication, family, kids, life
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 80.38 % from 519 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
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has 80.26 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, kids, money
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five". The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?" "No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."
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has 80.16 % from 271 votes. More jokes about: age, business, chocolate, kids
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
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has 80.12 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: age, hospital, kids
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 79.77 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Your mama is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry.
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has 79.77 % from 2470 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, Yo mama
*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
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has 79.49 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, kids, wife
A kid was crying standing outside his house. A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?" Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house." Passer by: "Who is your father?" Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
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has 79.25 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: family, kids
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
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has 79.08 % from 320 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, teacher
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