The best kids jokes

Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed. "All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?" "Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
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has 76.83 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dad, kids
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
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has 76.69 % from 258 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 76.64 % from 572 votes. More jokes about: kids
Jimmy's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Jimmy." Jimmy says, "Now! I can see why they threw him out!
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has 76.56 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: baby, heaven, kids
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
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has 76.54 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: kids
Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
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has 76.48 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, sport, Yo mama
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I don't know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one and Daddy totally freaked out and Mommy fainted"
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has 76.46 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
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has 76.35 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, mean, sex, vulgar
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
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has 76.29 % from 644 votes. More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex