The best kids jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday. She opened it up and it was a tea pot. She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you." The boy said "That's good." Mum said "However I already have a tea pot." The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."
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has 76.96 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
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has 76.83 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work. They finally went with mine. "I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said. "No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover three holes in our wall."
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: customer service, kids
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
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has 76.54 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked. "I said no way," replied the boy. "What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver. "No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy. "Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered. "No!" replied the boy. "What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver. The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"
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has 76.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, car, dad, kids, money
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 76.52 % from 569 votes. More jokes about: kids
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
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has 76.48 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: kids
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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has 76.39 % from 1062 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist