The best kids jokes

Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
Vote: has 77.36 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, hospital, kids
There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As the sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them "who is the most obedient?" Five sets of eyes looked up at him. Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?" One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child.
Vote: has 77.23 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote: has 77.18 % from 161 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
Son: Dad, what is an idiot? Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me? Son: No.
Vote: has 77.15 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Vote: has 76.59 % from 557 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.53 % from 132 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, kids
Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed. "All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?" "Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
Vote: has 76.41 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dad, kids
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, game, kids, mean, Santa
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, kids
A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.  "I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle," said the little boy.  After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"  The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, "Mister, you've got yourself a deal."  The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."  The little boy said, "That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started."  The preacher said, I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember how to cuss."  The little boy looked at him happily and said, "You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya!"
Vote: has 76.27 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, priest