The best kids jokes

A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort. The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill. He stopped indignant there and told to the child: "You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do." "I told them, sir." "Well, what did they reply?" "Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."
Vote: has 76.51 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: god, kids, work
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, couple, family, kids
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I don't know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one and Daddy totally freaked out and Mommy fainted"
Vote: has 76.22 % from 71 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, kids
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote: has 76.16 % from 215 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, little Johnny
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
Vote: has 76.13 % from 1028 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
Vote: has 76.11 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work. They finally went with mine. "I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said. "No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover three holes in our wall."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: customer service, kids
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. "Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
Vote: has 76.01 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids