The best kids jokes

Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
Vote: has 79.27 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
Vote: has 79.18 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids
Deer Hunter. A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill with his family for Sunday dinner. He didn't want his sons to refuse tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without telling them what the meat was they were about to eat. "Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?" "Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it." The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their forks. "Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son. "Only if you take a bite.", said the father. As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time." The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"
Vote: has 79.18 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, food, hunting, kids
A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday. She opened it up and it was a tea pot. She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you." The boy said "That's good." Mum said "However I already have a tea pot." The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."
Vote: has 79.06 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: birthday, kids
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
Vote: has 79.05 % from 1443 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
Vote: has 79.05 % from 1048 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, racist, teacher
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
Vote: has 78.91 % from 650 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, Yo mama
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
Vote: has 78.87 % from 63 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Vote: has 78.76 % from 433 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dad, dirty, kids
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
Vote: has 78.55 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: internet, IT, kids, mean, technology


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