The best kids jokes

*Wakes up to wife and son screaming* Me: "What are you guys yelling about?" Them: "You're driving!"
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has 79.11 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, kids, wife
There was a father who called his 5 small children together. As the sat together in a circle on the floor the dad placed a toy in the middle. He explained to them that he won this toy as a door prize and he wanted to give it to one of them. He asked them "who is the most obedient?" Five sets of eyes looked up at him. Sensing that they didn’t understand the word he then asked, "ok, who always obeys mommy, and does everything she says?" One of the children picked up the toy and handed it to the father. "You win!" exclaimed the child.
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has 79.00 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
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has 78.99 % from 1449 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
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has 78.80 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, kids, Santa
When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open." So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open." Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open! Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."
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has 78.66 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: communication, kids, little Johnny, teacher
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
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has 78.61 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, teacher
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”
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has 78.45 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: age, hospital, kids
One day a boy came home running while crying. His mother asked what happened why are you crying? The boy said`I got punished for something I did not do’. His mother said ‘That’s horrible. what did you not do’. The boy in tears said`my homework’
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has 78.44 % from 734 votes. More jokes about: kids, school
At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work. They finally went with mine. "I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said. "No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover three holes in our wall."
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: customer service, kids
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