A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?"
The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?"
The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been?
Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
A kid was crying standing outside his house.
A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?"
Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house."
Passer by: "Who is your father?"
Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets.
In her stomach the babies were talking to each other.
The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here".
The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here".
And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.
"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.
"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.
"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.
"I said no way," replied the boy.
"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver.
"No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy.
"Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered.
"No!" replied the boy.
"What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver.
The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"
6 year old kid looking at Mom's ID card.
Sex: F
He laughs.
Mom: "Whats so funny?"
Kid: "I can't believe you're so bad in sex that you failed in it."
Husband died laughing.
One day a boy came home running while crying.
His mother asked what happened why are you crying?
The boy said`I got punished for something I did not do’.
His mother said ‘That’s horrible.
what did you not do’.
The boy in tears said`my homework’
An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity.
Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said.
"He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids.
A lady went and sat down next to him.
She asked, "Are these all your kids?"
The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".