The best kids jokes

Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
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has 79.43 % from 801 votes. More jokes about: kids, sex, women
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
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has 79.01 % from 1480 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open." So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open." Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open! Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."
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has 78.99 % from 213 votes. More jokes about: communication, kids, little Johnny, teacher
A kid was crying standing outside his house. A passer by asked: "Why are you crying?" Kid: "My parents are fighting inside the house." Passer by: "Who is your father?" Kid: "That is what the fight is about."
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has 78.96 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: family, kids
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill." Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been? Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
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has 78.89 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: dirty, kids, teacher
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
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has 78.87 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?" Voice: "This is my father."
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has 78.68 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: dad, health, kids, teacher
One day a boy came home running while crying. His mother asked what happened why are you crying? The boy said`I got punished for something I did not do’. His mother said ‘That’s horrible. what did you not do’. The boy in tears said`my homework’
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has 78.61 % from 745 votes. More jokes about: kids, school
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 78.55 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Man: "How old is your father?" Boy: "As old as me." Man: "How can that be?" Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."
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has 78.55 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, kids
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