The best lawyer jokes

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, lawyer
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: airplane, lawyer
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
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has 74.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: business, lawyer, light bulb, money
A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"
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has 74.18 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, money
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say, "Fees."
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: lawyer