A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed ‘Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.