Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
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A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid?
Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years.
A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”