Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem. He replied that he paid it back right after his first case. When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say, "Fees."