Joke #5624

Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
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An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Vote: has 78.18 % from 179 votes. Send joke:
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Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Vote: has 72.79 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
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How do you call 5000 lawyers dead at the seashore? A good start...
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What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
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"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Vote: has 83.90 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
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Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?  "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
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