The best love jokes

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
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has 79.94 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
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has 79.68 % from 1205 votes. More jokes about: birthday, love, sex, wife
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
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has 79.01 % from 324 votes. More jokes about: love, phone, women
I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer. Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."
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has 78.89 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, sport
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands. She whispers in his ear: "That’s me before the surgery."
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has 78.78 % from 731 votes. More jokes about: dad, husband, love, sex
Knock, knock; Who is there? Love; Love who? U, U, U!
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has 78.68 % from 416 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, love
Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
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has 78.47 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: family, love, money
I was sat with my wife while she sipped on her glass of wine, when she said, "I love you so much, you know. I don't know how I could ever live without you." I said, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She said, "It's me talking to the wine.
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has 78.31 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, mean, wife, wine
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I...? A microwave?
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has 78.01 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, love, men, technology, time
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
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has 77.35 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, time, women
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