The best marriage jokes

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying, ''I think she's choking!"
Vote: has 84.78 % from 764 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 84.56 % from 422 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, women
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together. One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
Vote: has 84.55 % from 507 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, kids, marriage, women
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote: has 84.52 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 84.23 % from 552 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: "How about you go brew us some coffee?" Wife: "That's your job." Hasband: "Says who?" Wife : "The bible, it's on just about every page." Husband: "The bible don't say anything about brewing coffee." Wife (Holding her Bible flipping pages): "See every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews."
Vote: has 84.17 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bible, marriage, religious
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Vote: has 84.02 % from 268 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, nerd, technology
The man was looking for a way, over and over, for his wife so she can drive more carefully and he found it; "Darling, if an accident happens, the police will record your real age!"
Vote: has 83.98 % from 189 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, marriage, wife
If it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Vote: has 83.90 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
Vote: has 83.83 % from 180 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, women