The best marriage jokes

Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
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has 83.83 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: age, life, marriage, money, wife
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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has 83.82 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, marriage
Agnes married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together. One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?" The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
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has 83.82 % from 551 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, kids, marriage, women
I asked my wife why did she marry me. Wife: "Because you are funny." Me: "I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?" Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."
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has 83.81 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
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has 83.78 % from 947 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Husband: Knocks the door at midnight. Wife: Go back where you coming from! Husband: Open the door or I throw myself in the swimming pool! Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care? So the husband stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big stone and throws it into the swimming pool. !!!!..Scheweew..!!!! Wife hears and opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. The husband quickly sneaks into the house then locks the door. Wife: Open the door or I will shout!! Husband: Shout till all the neighbours wakes up and comes here. Tell them where you are coming from by this time of the night with only a panty and a bra!
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has 83.60 % from 370 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, time, wife
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
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has 83.56 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
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has 83.53 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
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has 83.05 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: beauty, communication, marriage, mean, money
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
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has 82.90 % from 348 votes. More jokes about: bar, car, marriage, stupid, wife
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