The best marriage jokes

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
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has 83.91 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: age, anniversary, marriage, teacher, wife
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 83.86 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.
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has 83.81 % from 2490 votes. More jokes about: beauty, love, marriage, sex, wife
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
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has 83.76 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
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has 83.69 % from 406 votes. More jokes about: bar, car, marriage, stupid, wife
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
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has 83.65 % from 1037 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
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has 83.64 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
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has 83.64 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"
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has 83.60 % from 268 votes. More jokes about: church, marriage, wedding, work
Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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has 83.39 % from 244 votes. More jokes about: marriage
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