The best marriage jokes

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!"
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has 83.72 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the Lottery!’ Martha shouts back, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man replies, ‘I don’t care, just as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
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has 83.71 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: marriage
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
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has 83.64 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: marriage, women
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
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has 83.52 % from 1009 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.
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has 83.48 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
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has 83.42 % from 386 votes. More jokes about: bar, car, marriage, stupid, wife
Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A: Two mothers-in-law.
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has 83.33 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: marriage, mother in law
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
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has 83.29 % from 695 votes. More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. Upon returning home, his wife said "I've been thinking, there's no reason we can't go for a month." Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a tube of lubricant. When he returned his wife said, "Since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?" He went back and bought 200 bottles of seasick pills and more tubes of lubricant. The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, I don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"
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has 83.09 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 83.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
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