The best marriage jokes

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
Vote: has 69.82 % from 685 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.
Vote: has 69.60 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!"
Vote: has 69.19 % from 1030 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, time, work
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Vote: has 68.65 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, marriage, redneck
Married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, anniversary, marriage, party, wife
Harry's wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn't blue."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote: has 68.12 % from 183 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, marriage
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, marriage
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, sex