The best marriage jokes

How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote: has 68.29 % from 184 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, marriage
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Vote: has 67.63 % from 1207 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife, work
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, marriage, sex
Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married.
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, marriage, men, women
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. "That's total bollocks" I replied. By text, from across the road.
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Vote: has 66.50 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, marriage
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, sex
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean


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