The best marriage jokes

When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, time, work
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
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More jokes about: marriage, sex
Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, marriage, men, women
3 Stages of Sex: 1. House Sex - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house, in every room. 2. Bedroom Sex - After you've been married for a while and you just have sex in the bedroom. 3. Hall Sex - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"
Vote: has 68.60 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, sex
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
Vote: has 68.29 % from 184 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, marriage
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, marriage
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
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More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Vote: has 67.69 % from 1206 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife, work
A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man. The married couple has asked the grandmother together: "What would you like to tell us dear granny? " The granny has said: "I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, marriage, mean, old people, time


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