The best marriage jokes

When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Vote: has 58.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, school
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. "What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Vote: has 58.17 % from 276 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, romantic, Valentines day
As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama." Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!" Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!" Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy." Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!" Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol this is a job for Mama!"
Vote: has 58.05 % from 137 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, marriage, sex, wedding
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
Vote: has 58.01 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Vote: has 57.27 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, college, marriage, math, wife
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Vote: has 57.16 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, marriage, men, single
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, marriage, technology, Valentines day, wife
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together. They come to the fence against which they first made love. The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake." The wife agrees and they both undress. Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago." His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.   After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
Vote: has 56.92 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, relationship, Valentines day


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