The best money jokes

If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: customer service, money
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, money
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
Vote: has 79.47 % from 406 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Vote: has 79.46 % from 77 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, money, political
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Vote: has 79.36 % from 100 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, math, money
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Vote: has 79.35 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: divorce, mean, men, money, women
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
Vote: has 79.27 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, money, work
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
Vote: has 79.25 % from 194 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
A man is trying to understand the nature of God, time, and the Universe. He asks God, “How long is a billion years to you?” God says, “A billion years is like a second to me.” The man asks, “Well, how much is a billion dollars to you?” God says, “A billion dollars is like a penny to me.” So the man says, “God, can I have a penny?” And God replies, “In a sec.”
Vote: has 79.18 % from 70 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money


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