The best money jokes

In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
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has 79.05 % from 1493 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
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has 78.85 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money, stupid
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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has 78.85 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account" To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now." "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!" The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!" "I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
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has 78.83 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: money
What do you call an Asian billionare. Cha Ching.
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has 78.74 % from 1304 votes. More jokes about: money, racist
Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
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has 78.72 % from 1885 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist, sex
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
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has 78.71 % from 858 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Hitler, money
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
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has 78.68 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, kids, money
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 78.61 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, money, teen
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
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has 78.59 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, money
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