The best money jokes

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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has 78.11 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: business, math, money
Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: family, love, money
An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
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has 78.05 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, wife
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
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has 78.03 % from 696 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, money, Yo mama
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, money, wedding
Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
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has 77.91 % from 1552 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist, sex
One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window. "I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver. "No way! Get lost!" replied the boy. "How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked. "I said no way," replied the boy. "What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the driver. "No, I’m not getting in the car," answered the boy. "Okay, I’ll give you a bag of M&Ms and 100 dollars," the driver offered. "No!" replied the boy. "What will it take to get you in the car?" asked the driver. The boy replied: "Listen, Dad: You bought the Volvo-you live with it!"
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has 77.89 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: age, car, dad, kids, money
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
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has 77.88 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: age, life, marriage, money, wife
How do you find the population of Mexico? roll a penny down the street How do you find the richest person in Mexico? SEE WHO GOT THE PENNY!
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has 77.86 % from 1703 votes. More jokes about: money, racist
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 77.86 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, money, teen
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