Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two jews fighting over a penny.
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?
Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair." Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!" Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.