The best money jokes

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
has 79.06 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
has 79.03 % from 1452 votes. More jokes about: car, kids, money, stupid
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
has 78.98 % from 657 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, money, Yo mama
An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
has 78.89 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, wife
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
has 78.86 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: death, holiday, men, money, wife
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: doctor, memory, money
Why use Linux: No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.
has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, money, technology
Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter. The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed. Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time". The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right. After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left. Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"? John said, "I think she was dead". John said, "How was yours"? Bill said, "I think she was a witch". John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"? Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
has 78.77 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, money, old people, sex
Yo' Mama is so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
has 78.73 % from 1308 votes. More jokes about: car, insulting, money, Yo mama
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
has 78.61 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money
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