The best money jokes

Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
Vote: has 76.01 % from 337 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: asian, car, ethnic, mexican, money
Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!" Christian Patient: "Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you."
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: christian, customer service, doctor, money
Once there was a bartender who claimed he was the strongest man on earth, he could squeeze every drop of juice out of a lemon and he bet $10,000 that no one could squeeze anymore out of a lemon he has squeezed People came in from all over the country, body builders, weight lifters, wrestlers, or anyone that wanted to try. But no one could squeeze anymore juice out of the lemons. Then one day a little nerdy looking guy walks in and everyone laughs at him when they hear he is there to try to squeeze a lemon. So the bartender squeezes a lemon into a cup an hands him what is left over. Then the guy squeezes out 6 more drops of juice, and everyone is amazed! "What do you do for a living?" they would ask, "Are you a weight lifter, a body builder?" "No", he replied. "I work for the IRS."
Vote: has 75.95 % from 60 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bartender, food, money, work
Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad. "Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don’t know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till dark and steel the fucking thing!"
Vote: has 75.77 % from 414 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: jewish, little Johnny, money, school
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, doctor, money, sex, time
Yo Mama So fat... She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
Vote: has 75.60 % from 74 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, money, Yo mama
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
Vote: has 75.59 % from 490 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: little Johnny, math, money
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
Vote: has 75.57 % from 59 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, horse, money
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"
Vote: has 75.40 % from 135 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, fish, genie, money


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