The best money jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
Q: Why is a blood bank more profitable than a sperm bank? A: The sperm is handmade.
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: dirty, health, money
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
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has 76.12 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money, music
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: black humor, money
Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness." Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: doctor, money
Ad from a printer I will not be doing business with: "We offer a full line of pricing options that will meet or exceed your printing budget."
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, money
All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, "What'll ya have?" The man says, "Gimme a beer." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, "that'll be $12.67." The man reaches in his pocket and without even looking sets exact change down on the bar. After they finish their beers, the bartender asks, "anything else?" The man says, "Gimme a shot of bourbon." The ostrich says, "I'll have one too." The cat says, "I want a double bourbon, but I'm only gonna pay half price." The bartender serves them and says, "That's $14.03." The man reaches into his pocket and without even looking again sets exact change on the bar. After that round, the bartender says, "What else will ya have?" The man says, "I need a Jack and Coke." The ostrich says, "Me too!" The cat says, "I want two Jack and Cokes, and I'm only paying..." "Half price, I know," says the bartender. He sets them up and says, "$16.38, please." The man reaches in his pocket a third time, and again sets exact change on the bar without counting it out. The bartender asks the man, "How is it that every time you pay for your drink order, you can set exact change on the bar without looking?" The man says, "Well, some years ago I was walking on the beach in Egypt, and I found a magic lamp in the sand. I rubbed it, and a genie appeared and granted me three wishes for setting him free. So, with the first wish, I wished that no matter what I ever wanted to buy, I would always have exact change for it in my pocket." The bartender says, "That's brilliant! Most people would wish for a million or five million or whatever. This way, you'll never run out of money, you don't have to worry about carrying it, and you'll never be robbed! Absolutely brilliant." The man says, "I know, and thank you!" The bartender says, "So what did you ask for with your other two wishes?" The man said "A chick with long legs and a tight pussy."
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, genie, money
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."
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has 76.00 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, horse, money
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: love, money, wife
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: car, money, sex, work
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