The best money jokes

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: money, political
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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has 76.75 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, funeral, money, old people
Q: Why do economists exist? A: So accountants have someone to laugh at.
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has 76.74 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
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has 76.49 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money, music
One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening. Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening. The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10" He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly. He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?" Again he left quickly and returned to the convent. Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?" She replied "$10.00 same as in town."
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has 76.41 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, money, priest, sex
An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir," she says in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?" "Yes, ma'am." "And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am." "How do you turn them off?"
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has 76.34 % from 305 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, masturbation, money, sex
If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life, money
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
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has 76.01 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dad, lawyer, money
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: doctor, memory, money
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