The best office jokes

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
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has 72.77 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: doctor, office, women
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, office, phone
Put a "Please Use Other Door" sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
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has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: April fools, office
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
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has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: office, work
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, office, work
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, office, wife
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