The best office jokes

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, office, women
When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop. To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself. The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way? "Yes", replied the clerk. It was his idea. We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: management, money, office, technology
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, mean, office, work
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, management, mean, office, phone
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it. Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: April fools, office
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, office, party
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
Vote: has 60.80 % from 279 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, kids, office
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: April fools, office


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