The best office jokes

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. "Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said. "What fer?" asked Pyle. "Shorter hours." "Good fer them!" said the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"
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More jokes about: geography, office, redneck, stupid, work
Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, money, office, time, work
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, office, women
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it. Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
Vote: has 60.90 % from 277 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, kids, office
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Vote: has 60.85 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife