The best office jokes

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you’ll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no.”" the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up and they disappear." "That’s what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let’s do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor’s office. "Well, how’s the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made." "What’s wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor reports, "those aren’t bags, those are your boobs, and if you don’t leave that screw alone, you’re going to have a beard!"
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, office, women
Write a message on an upside-down paper cup that alludes to something horrible being trapped under it. Leave it on a coworker's desk or in a conference room.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, office, party, time
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: April fools, office
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
Vote: has 61.47 % from 273 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, kids, office
At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and requested a vehicle pass. The young airman, fresh out of technical training, asked to see his military ID, driver's license and his vehicle registration. Noticing the letters BG on the man's identification, the new airman asked, "What's BG stand for - Big Guy?" "No," the man replied, leaning over the counter. "Try Brigadier General."
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, office, stupid
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, office, party
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: office, work
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Vote: has 59.75 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
Vote: has 50.70 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money, office, wife