The best office jokes

Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, office, party
Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
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More jokes about: doctor, insulting, management, office, stupid
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: holiday, mean, office, technology, work
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper... Take my iPad..." Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, husband, office, technology, wife
At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and requested a vehicle pass. The young airman, fresh out of technical training, asked to see his military ID, driver's license and his vehicle registration. Noticing the letters BG on the man's identification, the new airman asked, "What's BG stand for - Big Guy?" "No," the man replied, leaning over the counter. "Try Brigadier General."
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: air force, office, stupid
George had responded to a call from his attorney, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer's firm, and was ushered into his office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Well, if those are my choices, I guess I'll take the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" George was stunned? "If you call that bad, I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, money, office, wife
Pull on a coworker is to press ctrl+print screen on their workstation, then paste it into Paint, save the pic, and set it as the desktop background. Move all of their icons to the trash. When they get back to their desk, clicking won't accomplish anything!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: April fools, computer, office
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
Vote: has 42.13 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, military, office