The best old people jokes

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: doctor, math, old people
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.” “But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist. “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”
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has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: husband, old people, wife
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, old people, sport
Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says, “You know, I’m 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other guy says, “Oh, I feel like a newborn baby.” “Really,” says the first guy. “Yep,” says the second one. “No teeth, no hair and I think I just wet my pants.”
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: old people
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him. Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?" The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: memory, old people, political
Yo mama so old, she walked into a museum and found her ex.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, old people, relationship, Yo mama
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: old people
A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?" Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!" Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, old people, vulgar
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go. The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, old people
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
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