The best phone jokes

Q: What do ghosts use to phone home? A: A terror-phone.
Vote:
has 39.94 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: phone
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out. "A for apple," he began. "P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for—" The flustered agent interrupted. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples."
Vote:
has 38.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: asian, communication, customer service, phone, stupid
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote:
has 36.86 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, phone
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America. She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?" The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya" And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum" The guy says: "In that case follow me" So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!" So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
Vote:
has 35.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: blonde, phone, technology, women
Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
Vote:
has 35.01 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: phone, school, teacher, war
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Vote:
has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: baby, phone, women
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Vote:
has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, phone, sport, time
One morning I called my girlfriend and his father picked "Hello who are you?" I heard that heavy voice and quickly replied a while "hey Eric where are you the choir is about to begin?" "What choir?" he asked. "Come on Eric stop kidding around and get your ass over here" the father then replied "Sorry am not Eric and I don't know what you are talking about I am dr Stephen" he said. I then said "oh sorry I must have misdialled" I then hang up and decided I am never gonna call that girl again...
Vote:
has 29.10 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: church, communication, dad, phone, relationship
<<<1718
More jokes →
Page 17 of 18.