Q: What do ghosts use to phone home?
A: A terror-phone.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon.
A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: "Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says: "In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says: "Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his dick, holds it to her mouth and says: "Hello.........mum are you there?"
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The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
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A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Chuck Norris installed iTunes... in Blackberry!
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A mother goes to the market and leaves her lilttle boy in the house.
Meanwhile, she leaves her phone charging on the floor in the house.
Unfortunately, power goes off and there is a message that comes with a sound on the phone.
The message reads, ' battery low'.
Concerned, the little boy picks the phone and puts it on the table and wait for some time waiting to see another message on the phone that should read, 'battery high'.
He was disappointed.
Q: What's the difference between my phone and Stephen Hawking?
A: When my phone dies, I actually give a fuck.