The best phone jokes

After a number of attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian American friend Appappa decided to spell it out. "A for apple," he began. "P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for—" The flustered agent interrupted. "I have a better idea," she said. "Just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples."
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has 45.35 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: asian, communication, customer service, phone, stupid
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones.
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has 45.26 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: phone, prison
A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don’t have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she’s with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?”" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
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has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: money, phone, women, work
Someone calls at the hotline: Good evening. I’ve just installed Windows 98... So? Wheel I have a problem... Ok, ok, you just said that...
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: IT, phone
Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: fat, phone, Yo mama
Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4. He can now multi task and use face time.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone, time
Your mamma is so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone!
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: phone, stupid, Yo mama
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop, phone, technology
Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: phone, sport
The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm. "At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller. "At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight "What time do you open ... in the morning?" "At nine". The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?" "I told you before at nine". "Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, phone, time
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