A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab." He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, "What the heck, I'll give her a call." "Hello," the woman says. She sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks... We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
16 and Pregnant. 15 and Fucking. 14 and Sucking. 13 and Licking. 12 and Fingering. 11 and Touching. 9 and Kissing. 8 and Wondering. Welcome To Our Fucked Up Generation...
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, "No, but I have done 53 that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground." The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor." The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.