The best sex jokes

Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about", Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch". Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room". The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch. This gives Little Johnny a good idea. Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!" His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Vote: has 75.75 % from 137 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, kids, little Johnny, school, sex
Q: Why is life like a penis? A: Women make it hard!
Vote: has 75.68 % from 368 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex, women
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
Vote: has 75.64 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, morbid, sex, women
A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
Vote: has 75.63 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, beer, car, dirty, sex
Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job? Answer: Ten minutes of silence.
Vote: has 75.60 % from 164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, time, women
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
Vote: has 75.49 % from 236 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, prison, sex
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
Vote: has 75.48 % from 294 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, school, sex
A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began.  After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour." Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?" Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged.  The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?" Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her.  Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man." Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.  Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?" Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil." So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm fucking!"
Vote: has 75.33 % from 270 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, game, relationship, sex
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
Vote: has 75.25 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, flirt, food, sex