The best time jokes

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Vote:
has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: desert island, IT, time
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote:
has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, time
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Vote:
has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Vote:
has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: school, time
Yo mama so ugly when she looked at the sun, it turned nighttime.
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: time, ugly, Yo mama
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: relationship, time, women
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." The passenger asks "Who?"  The cabbie says "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah. But there are always a few clouds over everybody."  Cabbie says "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano." The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special"  Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out." Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"  The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them." "Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."  Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he's never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"  Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his fucking widow..."
Vote:
has 68.56 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: car, computer, golf, marriage, time
Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
Vote:
has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life, time, work
The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?'' George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.'' ''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
Vote:
has 68.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: sex, sport, time, wife, work
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
Vote:
has 68.35 % from 355 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
<<<21222324
More jokes →
Page 21 of 53.