The best time jokes

Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
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Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
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Q: Why is marriage not a word? A: It's a lifelong incarceration!
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Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid, technology, time
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
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Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
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Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
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More jokes about: life, time, work
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
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More jokes about: hipster, time