Chuck Norris once saw a video that takes 24 hours to watch... He saw it 3 times a day.
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.
Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
Two sperms. The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?" The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.