The best time jokes

A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, time
Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
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has 68.61 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: school, time
Yo mama so ugly when she looked at the sun, it turned nighttime.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: time, ugly, Yo mama
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
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has 68.56 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: relationship, time, women
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 68.55 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years. While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed. He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck. Then he gets up and leaves the room. Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you." As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life, time, work
The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?'' George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.'' ''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
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has 68.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: sex, sport, time, wife, work
Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.
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has 68.35 % from 355 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
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has 68.29 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic, time
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