The best time jokes

The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?'' George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.'' ''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
Vote:
has 67.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: sex, sport, time, wife, work
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
Vote:
has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: relationship, time, women
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: car, fitness, gym, time
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: new year, time
Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. " The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
Vote:
has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: memory, old people, time, wedding
Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: time, weed
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, time
Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it may take up to seven years!
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: graduation, light bulb, student, stupid, time
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch: "My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Vote:
has 67.19 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: business, life, math, time, women
<<<22232425
More jokes →
Page 22 of 53.