The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
Michael Jackson does moonwalk because he doesn't have time to turn and run away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall. This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.