What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut.
After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How you like it?" asked the barber.
"Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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