Chuck Norris hit you tomorrow, is going to hit you yesterday, and you're now dead.
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
Q: Why weren't the Republicans behind the verdict in the Saddam Hussein Trial a couple of days before the 2006 Midterm Elections? A: Because they were so busy fixing the price on oil!
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances. "What if we get lost?" says one of them. "Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other. "I saw it on TV." Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour. The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger. "Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter. "Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
Big inspection on a build site/yard. The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual. The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses. -(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
A teenager is a hopeless romantic who never falls in love more then twice a week.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."