What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
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We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut.
After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How you like it?" asked the barber.
"Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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