The best time jokes

In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, time, women
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, beauty, time, work
This mothers day, Men all around were criticized for not calling their mothers on such an important day. But me, I thought of the best way to get out of such a mess. Heres how the beginning of the Monday after Mothers Day went for me: Mother: "You know Mike, I was thinking and out of all my sons, you never called me on Mothers Day!" Me: "You know Mom, I was thinking, and out of all my mothers, you never called me on SON-day!" Something like this is bound to make her smile and forget, worked with my Mom!
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: anniversary, time, women
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote: has 65.68 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
Time keeps going only to run away from Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
Chuck Norris's Birthday is October 32th.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, time
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food, time
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, time
I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym. Now this whole workout was a waste of time.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Facebook, fitness, gym, time