What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off?
A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
Vote:
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut.
After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How you like it?" asked the barber.
"Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Vote:
A press release:
"Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."