A press release:
"Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15."
The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time.
The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating.
The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
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Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport.
He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines.
The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport.
There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year.
The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob."
The driver declines immediately.
The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing.
When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately we've been married for 10 years.
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.
On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged.
Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering.
The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing."
To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer.
"We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.
The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.
The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.
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