The best time jokes

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."
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has 67.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: money, party, time, wedding
Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
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has 67.85 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, food, political, Thanksgiving, time
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, time
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, family, Halloween, time
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: relationship, time, women
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, time
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: beer, doctor, sex, time, wife
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" "Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
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has 66.49 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: men, relationship, time, Valentines day
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, time
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