An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done." 
Vote:
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island.
After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford.
They build a lean-to and find some food and water.
After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate.
The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.
"What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"
"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.
"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"
"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."
"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"
Vote:
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Vote:
A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15."
The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time.
The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating.
The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
Vote:
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."
A man is in Vegas where he lost all of his money so he can't pay for a cab to return to the airport.
He sees a cab and begs the driver to give him a free ride to the airport but the cab driver declines.
The next year the man returns to Vegas and get filthy rich when he decides to leave for the airport.
There is a huge line of cabs, and at the very end of this line was the very driver who never gave him a ride the previous year.
The man walks up to the front cab "Excuse me, sir if you give me a free ride to the airport I'll let you give me a handjob."
The driver declines immediately.
The man then asks all the drivers in this line the same thing.
When he gets to the last driver, he pays the fee and the cab driver begins moving, when he moved by the line, the man puts two thumbs up through the window so all the other drivers could see.
We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately we've been married for 10 years.