The best time jokes

A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.
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A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
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Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
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15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest? I don't know he is still busy.
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Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
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Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
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The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
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More jokes about: Christmas, money, religious, time
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
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More jokes about: relationship, time, women
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
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More jokes about: life, relationship, time, wife