The best time jokes

Chuck Norris beat the light speed by 2 hours and 23 minutes.
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Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.
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Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.
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Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
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A time paradox was invented when Chuck Norris went back in time to raise himself. Now he has provoked the event 2012.
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A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
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Chuck Norris once spent a month in El Paso one night.
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15 years ago I started a burping contest with Chuck Norris... who had the longest? I don't know he is still busy.
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Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A: A late night.
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Chuck Norris watched the first season of "24" in 5 hours.
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