The best travel jokes

An aircraft is flying when all over sudden a bird crashes through the cockpit and kills both the pilot and co pilot. Having heard the crash a blonde flight attendant rushes in to find out what happened. Once inside the cockpit the plane jerks and the cabin door slams shut and can't be opened. So she pulls the captain out of his seat and sits down, taking the radio into her hands and says, "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! The pilots are dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!" "I'm 5'4 and in the front seat of the plane." "O.K." says the voice on the radio. "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven..."
Vote: has 67.90 % from 109 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: air force, bird, blonde, stupid, travel
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
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More jokes about: food, travel
Chuck Norris once toboggoned down Mount Everest and then sprinted back up cuz he realized he lost his mitten.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, travel
"My wife drives like thunder." "So fast?" "No, every minute she strikes a tree."
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, time, travel, wife
An old couple returning from florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks the man where he is from. the man answers "toronto". the man's wife says "what did he say?" the man tells his wife "he wanted to know where we were from. the agent says to the man " i was in toronto once, i had the worst sex ever in my life in toronto." the man's wife says "what did he say?" the husband tells his wife "he thinks he knows you dear."
Vote: has 67.41 % from 145 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, sex, travel, wife
One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy." Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."
Vote: has 67.34 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, life, political, travel
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?" The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, death, travel
Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, insulting, travel, Yo mama
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone. Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bird, Chuck Norris, death, travel, winter
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, disgusting, travel


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