I went to a very beautiful place yesterday.
There were blossoms, roses and bright sky like a fantasy land.
I was so happy until some idiot woke me up...
Travel agency named „Bermuda triangle" – Let us meet on the other side.
Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
Yo mama's so poor, I was driving with her and she parked next to a garbage can.
I asked, "What're you doing?"
She said: "I'm booking us a hotel!"
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.
Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff… church, church, church." essories for it.
A man comes home alone from work.
Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas."
He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok!
He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas.
The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!"
He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black!
He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus"
21 RED!
And then the voice goes "Damn!"
NASA is negotiating with Chuck Norris about using his roundhouse kick as a propulsion to get to Mars.
Vote:
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn.
He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
Vote:
"My wife drives like thunder."
"So fast?"
"No, every minute she strikes a tree."