The best war jokes

Elderly Man: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic." Priest: "I do not see anything wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war." Elderly Man: "I collected rent from him for every month that he stayed." Priest: "That's not a good thing you did, but it was for a good cause. You helped him survive." Elderly Man: "Should I tell him the war is over?"
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has 76.56 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: history, jewish, old people, priest, war
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
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has 76.26 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, life, war
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
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has 76.03 % from 1024 votes. More jokes about: asian, insulting, racist, travel, war
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, war
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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has 74.66 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, disgusting, fart, mother in law, war
"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."  "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
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has 74.61 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: war, wife, women
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
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has 74.39 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: military, war
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World. The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen." "Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on." The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
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has 74.21 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, genie, sex, war, wife
French Army rifles for sale – never fired and only dropped once!
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has 74.08 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, mean, military, war