The best war jokes

Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
Vote: has 75.22 % from 175 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, insulting, racist, travel, war
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
Vote: has 74.20 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Vote: has 73.90 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: has 73.75 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, war
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
Vote: has 72.80 % from 79 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, war
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ethnic, navy, war
Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hunting, life, war
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
Vote: has 71.22 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, war, women