The best war jokes

When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, game, war
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Vote: has 74.40 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: has 74.29 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, war
Asians are so bad at driving, I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.
Vote: has 74.27 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: asian, insulting, racist, travel, war
Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, school, terrorist, war
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
Vote: has 73.25 % from 76 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, war
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Going to war without the French is like going hunting without your accordion.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hunting, life, war