The best war jokes

Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, school, terrorist, war
Q: How come so black people died during the war? A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, death, war
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
Vote: has 74.14 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war
Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
Vote: has 73.58 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, Chuck Norris, time, war
Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, “Take anything you want – our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles.” “No, no – you don’t understand!” the Syrian replied. “Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-*jet* missiles!”
Vote: has 72.70 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, war
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"
Vote: has 71.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, war, women
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "yeah" The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"
Vote: has 69.06 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, prison, war