The best war jokes

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "yeah" The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"
Vote: has 66.56 % from 84 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: military, prison, war
An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
This old guy goes into a church in a small town in the hills of Italy and asks the priest to hear his confession. The priest listens and then asks, "Is there anything else?" The old guy says, "During the war, when I was young, a beautiful Germam girl came to my farm after escaping and asked me if I would hide her. I told her I would if she provided me with sexual favors." The priest replies, "Don't worry about it. It was wartime and you both were under a lot of pressure." The old guy says, "Does that mean that I have to tell her that the war is over?"
Vote: has 66.17 % from 59 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: church, life, priest, sex, war
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: ethnic, navy, war
During the Iraq war, a Lieutenant asked the soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle, "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."
Vote: has 63.79 % from 58 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: military, war
Chuck Norris flew boats in the Vietnam War.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss? A: They have terrible Marxmanship.
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: ethnic, management, war
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia. Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure." Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?" The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..." What to do? Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea. So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?" The Chinese replies: "Right now!" Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic... Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.
Vote: has 61.01 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: ethnic, political, war, winter, work
Why were so many niggers killed in the Vietnam war? Because when the sergeant said to "get down", they all got up and started dancing.
Vote: has 59.13 % from 586 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, war