The best wife jokes

I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine. So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.
Vote: has 71.58 % from 214 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, wife
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, fart, husband, life, wife
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Hitler".
Vote: has 71.05 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Hitler, mother in law, wife
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
Vote: has 71.00 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, wife
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Vote: has 70.91 % from 121 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From the inside they head a Pakistani accent say, "you foreigners come in. Come in my humble shop." so the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel" Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being a sex hero he as. The husband, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, why don't you see for yourself?" Well , the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped then onto this feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in years-- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye the husband rushed of too the Pakistani man threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"
Vote: has 70.57 % from 262 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, marriage, sex, travel, wife
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse"
Vote: has 70.52 % from 342 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing." She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, sport, wife
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 70.44 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day. She showed it to me, and it was BDSM. She asked me "What we should do?" Me: "Probably not spank him." She belted me with the magazine. Now I know where he gets it from.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, dirty, life, wife