The best wife jokes

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
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More jokes about: death, men, wife
There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the doctor. The doc ran some tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor called and the wife answered. "I'm going to need to run a few more tests", the doctor said. "I'm going to need a semen, urine and a fecal sample". After she hung up the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?" "He needs a pair of your underwear".
Vote: has 71.36 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, drug, husband, wife
I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine. So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.
Vote: has 71.34 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, wife
A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing." She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
Vote: has 71.15 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, fart, sport, wife
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote: has 70.61 % from 135 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, husband, old people, phone, wife
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, life, wife
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking beer and farting.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, fart, husband, life, wife
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse"
Vote: has 70.40 % from 337 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 20?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "How about 10?" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" The Egyptian man says, "Oh, the pills are worth it my wife isn't."
Vote: has 70.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: ethnic, medical, money, viagra, wife