The best wife jokes

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Vote: has 70.92 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife
I saw a black guy running with a new blu-ray player, and it looked just like mine. So I called my wife, but it turned out ours was still at home picking cotton.
Vote: has 70.46 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist, wife
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity." The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, lawyer, money, wife
A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn't wear a balaclava. He told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promtply shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said "I think my wife got a glimpse"
Vote: has 70.40 % from 337 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
Vote: has 70.03 % from 875 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: golf, marriage, time, wife, women
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor... The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS." "What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?" "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, disgusting, doctor, wife
A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died. The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem. The husband said "ship her home". Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?" The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, holiday, men, money, wife
Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, mean, wife
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
Vote: has 69.89 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Halloween, redneck, wife