The best wife jokes

A Sailor sent an e-mail to his wife, informing her that his ship would be returning from deployment a day early. Arriving home, he found his wife with another man. Upset, he stormed off and got a room at the Navy Lodge to decide what to do next. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. "Bill" she said, "I checked with my daughter and, as I expected, there is a perfectly good explanation for this whole episode." "This I've got to hear," the Sailor said. "It was an honest mistake," the mother-in -law said. " She never got your e-mail!"
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has 66.17 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: communication, navy, technology, wife
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ? The logician replies: "yes".
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has 66.15 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: baby, dad, doctor, math, wife
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably... "My wife missed the bus"
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has 65.98 % from 1199 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
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has 65.86 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, religious, wife
Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you are not."
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has 65.80 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, men, wife
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, money, wife
John comes home and notices his wife naked in bed and the postman standing with his unzipped trousers next to the bed. The postman wants to save the situation so he says quickly: "Mrs. Ann, I warn you for the last time! If you do not sign this letter so I will pee on your brand-new carpet."
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has 65.63 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, wife
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
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has 65.33 % from 567 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
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has 65.24 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife, women
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, wife
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