The best wife jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Vote:
has 64.95 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"
Vote:
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, wife
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Vote:
has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
Vote:
has 64.39 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, time, wife
The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
Vote:
has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: memory, Valentines day, wife
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
Vote:
has 64.16 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Vote:
has 64.01 % from 458 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!" I said, "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."
Vote:
has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, wife
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
Vote:
has 63.81 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Vote:
has 63.80 % from 609 votes. More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
<<<27282930
More jokes →
Page 27 of 47.