The best wife jokes

Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you are not."
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has 65.08 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, men, wife
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
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has 64.95 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: catholic, disgusting, jewish, wife
"Didja hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!"
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, wife
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
Wife: "Honey let's play a game?" Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?" Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month." Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?" Wife: (smile) "Yes darling." Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction) Wife: "Are u ready?" Husband: "Yes, ready." Wife: "Turkey" It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, wife
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"
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has 64.39 % from 166 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, money, time, wife
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I'd never put it on now.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men, wife
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
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has 64.26 % from 337 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: memory, Valentines day, wife
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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has 64.08 % from 459 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
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