When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
Vote:
Client: "Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence."
Me: "You mean... the period?"
Client: "I don't care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it."
Vote:
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What sort of answer did you have in mind?
A: None - just assume it's changed.
Vote:
A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort.
The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill.
He stopped indignant there and told to the child:
"You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do."
"I told them, sir."
"Well, what did they reply?"
"Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out.
One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.
"What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor.
"Why, it's a toilet brush."
"Ooh, I see," says Josi.
A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.
"Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
Vote:
Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.
Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job?
A: He was caught beating his meat.
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank?
A: Drinking on the job.
Vote:
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."