The best work jokes

An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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has 70.43 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: accountant, genie, war, work
Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None - just assume it's changed.
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, light bulb, work
A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort. The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill. He stopped indignant there and told to the child: "You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do." "I told them, sir." "Well, what did they reply?" "Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: god, kids, work
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles... See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles... See 83 errors, pitches computer.
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, IT, technology, work
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.
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has 70.16 % from 251 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, gay, work
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. "What the hell is this?" he asks the pastor. "Why, it's a toilet brush." "Ooh, I see," says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. "Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper."
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: church, disgusting, work
I'm not usually one to tell someone how to do their job, which is probably why my promotion to management only lasted a week.
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: management, time, work
Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job? A: He was caught beating his meat.
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has 69.96 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: food, work
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
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has 69.85 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
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has 69.59 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: school, sport, work
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