The best work jokes

A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied. The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?" The applicant said, "No, not really." "So you don't have any vices?" "Well, I do have one," he admitted. "And what would that be?" the boss asked. "I tell lies."
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has 81.11 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, drug, women, work
A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn't work, and the church didn't have the funds for any repairs. The minister got a brilliant idea. He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain, swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down the aisle and put $20 in the plate." They did, and he had the church's roof fixed that week. This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do it again. Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the offering plate." They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the parking lot redone. His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid in a long time. I deserve a little money." He started swinging his watch again, and he thought, "I deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I deserve a lot more." He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive, that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped from his grip, he yelled: "S**t!" It took him two weeks to air out the church.
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has 80.95 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: church, life, money, work
Law of employment: When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed. When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
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has 80.94 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: car, life, work
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
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has 80.86 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: management, mean, work
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
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has 80.83 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, women, work
Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
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has 80.69 % from 466 votes. More jokes about: political, sex, work
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
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has 80.63 % from 470 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mother in law, wife, work
Boss: "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?" Me: "That it's only Wednesday."
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has 80.50 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: life, work
Did you heard about the guy who finally got the job at the tampon factory? He had to pull a lot of strings to get it.
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has 80.46 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: work
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