Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
Chuck Norris once broke the law... with his fists.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened? She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Chuck Norris' indian name is "He who can kick your ass anytime anywhere"