Yo' Mama is so fat, a cop saw her standing alone and told her to break it up.
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
The following conversation took place in school. Teacher: "So we are all descended from Adam and Eve." Young kid: "My dad says we came from apes." Teacher: "That's probably true for your family Abdul."
My attitude isn't bad. It's in beta.
Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself." Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the beer starts to run.
Water holds its breath when Chuck Norris is in below the surface.
Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!