Three seconds after Chuck Norris was shot, the bullet came out screaming.
Vote:
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining.
She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!"
Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
Yo momma's so fat; she's on both sides of the family!
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."
Vote:
I like my women how I like my laptop.
Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.
Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
Vote:
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
Vote:
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café.
They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's.
"What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman's pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
Vote: