Best jokes ever

Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
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has 74.95 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, men
What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?
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has 74.94 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, time
If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, money
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: time, weed
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. "Look," said one, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Q: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns? A: Because they take things. Literally.
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication
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