One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.
She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.
Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.
So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.
I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!"
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A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed.
Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?"
The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell."
But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked.
The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Alright!" creid the man.
"Do you like drinking?" the demon asked.
"Yeah!" The man answered.
"Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered.
"Sweet!" cried the man.
"Are you gay?" asked the demon.
The man frowned and said: "No."
The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. They woke up in the morning, and the guy on the right says "I had this wild, vivid dream last night. I was getting the best hand job I ever had!" The guy on the left says "I had the same dream, too!" The guy in the middle says "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
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What do you call a Ford Fiesta out of gas?
A Ford Siesta!
Q:How do crazy people go through the forest?
A:They take the psycho path.
There once was a gal named Lewinsky,
Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that goo off of your chinsky."
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown.
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better.
Than a bomb in a letter.
Given the choice of how to be blown.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
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My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."