Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow?
A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school.
I saw a dead body."
Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
Vote:
Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes?
A: "Toes go in first."
The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark.
Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house.
A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How cum yer wearin' two jackets?"
"'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Vote:
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!