A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.
He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?"
"Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.
I'm serious that Israeli how he does it.
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
Vote:
Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day.
Husband: Well next time take the car then silly.
I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.
Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays".
The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".
Vote:
Q: Why do blondes smile when there's lightning?
A: Because they think they're getting their picture taken!
Two robbers were robbing a hotel.
The first one said, "I hear sirens.
Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."