A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
The Playstation Network is down because Chuck Norris unplugged his PS3.
Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A blonde tried to shoot herself!
After working together for a while, Frank and Jane's office romance blossomed and they really developed the hots for each other. One day,they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Frank finds Jane very tight and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Frank says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies, "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"
A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."
An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization. The Greek: We built the Acropolis! the Italian: We built the colloseum! The Greek: We gave the world advanced math! the Italian: We made the Roman Empire! The Greek: We discovered sex! the Italian: And we introduced it to women!
Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the intenet to be worldwide.