Best jokes ever

A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
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has 74.80 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
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has 74.80 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: sex
Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
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has 74.78 % from 346 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, military, Yo mama
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
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has 74.78 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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has 74.78 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids, women
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
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has 74.78 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: friendship, health, memory
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem." "Oh is she an alcoholic?" "No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, husband, marriage, wife
A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model. ‘You crafty old devil,’ says his friend. ‘How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?’ ‘Easy,’ replies the millionaire. ‘I told her I was 95.’
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: money
You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me." Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: age, life, sport
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