Best jokes ever

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
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has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, dog
Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
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has 74.89 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."
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has 74.88 % from 208 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, morbid, sex, women
A blind man ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back. Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
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has 74.87 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo momma so stupid when she went to Subway, she asked for a ticket to Chicago.
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has 74.86 % from 360 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
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has 74.86 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, computer
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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has 74.85 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: black humor, golf, heaven, political
Your momma so fat... I ran around her twice and got lost.
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has 74.85 % from 377 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 74.83 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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has 74.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mean, relationship, sex, technology
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