Joke #14240

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race. Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...

The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. "No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3. "What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!" Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."

Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet? It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.

I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon. I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.

Did you hear that the boxer Colloso Mamello, was disqualified? Yes, but why? Because he was superstitious. He had a horseshow, hidden in his glove...

Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?

Superman is faster then a speeding bullet. Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.