One day little Johnny was playing on his push car that u sit on and push with your feet. His looked like a bus, and as such he was the bus driver. Little Johnny would drive a little, stop, and say "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to get off, get off." His mother was in the kitchen and thought surely I didn't hear him correctly. But then once again, little Johnny stopped and said "all you mother fuckers that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want t o get off, get off." So him mom came running out and told her young son he was to go to his room 'till he learned to play right. About 20 minutes later Johnny came out to play. Be reassured his mom he learned his lesson. So, back on his bus, he began driving around again. He stopped and said "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. And all you nice people that want to get on, get on. And all you mother fuckers that want to know why I'm late, ask the bitch in the kitchen.
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
Two black men are walking down the street. They pass a shop that advertises "Be White For a Day! Ninety-nine cents!" The two guys decide to try it out and they look to see how much money they have. One guy has a dollar bill, and the other guy has exactly ninety-eight cents. They decide that the first guy will go in with the dollar, get his change and then give it to the second guy so he can go in. Problem solved. The first guy goes in, and after a few minutes, he comes out with white skin, kakhi slacks, a polo, and a golf cap. They laugh and admire his new race for a minute. Then the second guy says, "How about that penny?" The first guy yells, "GET A JOB!"
Saw this bumper sticker in L.A. - "I'm not drunk, I'm Asian"
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
There are three blonds that went to the store. After they get done in the store one of the blondes realizes that she locked her keys in her car. The first blond tried using a screwdriver to unlock the door. The second blond tried using a hanger. The third blond tried using pen. While they are trying to unlock the door the second blond says "We better hurry up guys its about to rain and the tops down!"
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!" Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".