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Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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More jokes about: bar, chemistry, nerd
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we've made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn’t respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
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King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom.
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Chuck Norris isn't a good shot, his bullets just know better than to miss.
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Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
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If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
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Chuck Norris is the greatest thing, period, despite his invention of sliced bread.
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What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
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More jokes about: family, nerd