"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."
"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a
lovely bouquet of roses.
Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a
suspicious look when he handed her the flowers.
"I suppose," she said, "that now you expect
me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread."
"Why?" said the young man.
"Don't we have a vase?"
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product.
So I gave him a magnifying glass!
Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
Vote:
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
Vote:
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car.
The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
"No!" yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
"For the last time, no!" says the blonde.
Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"
The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
Yo momma's so fat...
Your family portrait has stretch marks
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
Yo momma so stupid when she went to Subway, she asked for a ticket to Chicago.