Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris 'The Boss'.
My iPhone fell from the 20th floor. Good thing it was in airplane mode.
The dark side of the moon is the side that cowers in fear of Chuck Norris.
A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down." The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because Chuck Norris will never submit.
Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers the command line.